Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Extending the Damage - Marriage

As James Neill wrote in his exhaustive study of what he coined, "the heterosexual myth," "Another class of victims of the heterosexual myth dominating modern society is the large number of spouses and their families of men or women with a significant homosexual component who marry in order to appear normal, for moral reasons, or because of family or social pressure." When this occurs, not only is the relationship "psychologically and emotionally difficult for both partners," but of course, "the parents' ability to provide the emotional nurturing and support that children require is seriously impaired." In short, everyone suffers. (The Origins and Role of Same-Sex Relations in Human Societies, pages 434-435)

Sad to say, this was the case in my life. My husband married me just for those very reasons: social pressure - most importantly as "Sodomy" was considered an "abomination to God," fear of his family and others finding out his true nature and its perceived resultant embarrassment, and to provide a handy cover, emotional protection, and the appearance of "normalcy."

My husband and I coped with this aberrant relationship through denial and by descending into passive/aggressive behaviors when conflicts arose. My insecurity led me to believe our problems were my fault, which attitude was promoted and encouraged by our leaders, whose opinions I held in highest regard. I also developed the unhealthy practice of walking on eggshells when around him, intending to forestall his quick temper and angry flareups, as well as to hopefully gain his approval and thus the ever-sought-after affection. It didn't work, but ever the wishful-thinker, that didn't stop me from trying.

Imagine the effects of such an unhealthy relationship on children. I hang my head in shame.

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